my little story
10:23 p.m. on 2005-09-16
Hi Ashley, i want to say how good i think this diary can be, helping people to know they are not alone. I have been a cutter for about 4 years maybe now, it started when i was about 13, i was being bullied and felt really rejected, but at first it was only dragging a compus down my arm, rarely even drew blood, i spent the next school year pretty much on my own, no friends, awkwardness as i prayed i would never have to "work in a group" ETC, rejection when i reached out for friends, i hated school, so i started going less and less. Until the school rang to see if i was okay. meh. I was also bullied at primary school, bullying really does cause more damage then people ever really know. But yea, the next year i began with dragging a razor over my knees pressing deeply so that it bled a bit, and then i would go back to my room, watch disney with my neice and have this guilty little secret. I progressed then to cutting with the razor, on my legs, then i took the blades out of my venus razor and then the "fun" began. And i now cut on my arms, hips, stomach, legs, its a cycle, and i love the cuttin itself i guess, when i feel bad it is the only way i know, and sometimes not cutting feels like just as much of a punishment. But despite this i am trying to stop,this may sound strange to everyone as i am a cutter, but i am also trying to get closer to God, and be a christian, i may be coming across as a bad example of one right now, because i am saying i cut. But yea. As it says in my profile, trying to fall out of love with cutting, and more in love with him. if you feel like checking out my diary it is savedbyjesus.diaryland.com
i may write a more detailed entry about my past later, i have found this has helped. ps. leave me a ntoe and i shall give u a pwde to my diary, its locked. xx
